Mid-Life Crisis or not?
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JoeUser Forums
What is a mid-life crisis? Am I having one right now? And who determines what is my mid-life anyway? I could be in my last days or I could live until I’m 130, for all anyone knows. So to describe these intimations of mortality as a mid-life crisis could be potentially misleading to both myself, my delicate psyche and to those around me.
These questions were raised in my thoughts after I recently received an email from a close friend who pointed towards an article posted on MSN about men and mid-life crisis (Check it out here) The reasons why are abundant: everything from a sense of ones own mortality to something hardwired into men to be suffer with their women as they go through menopause.
But I have another idea about this. I think, in some respects, men go through this because they finally realise, for the most part, they will never have an opportunity to pursue their dreams.
Lets examine this idea for a minute. The dreams I’m referring to are those we all have when we’re children. Dreams of being a fireman, an astronaut, a race car driver or a world champion surfer. Whatever the dream, a lot of men wake up one day, realise they’re in their forties and the opportunity to achieve these dreams has long gone by. Despite whatever professional success they might have or how good their family life is, there is a tangible lack of satisfaction with the way their lives have turned out.
My wife and I recently went to a reunion of her high school group of friends. They get together as a group once every five years. These are a disparate bunch of people, but mostly well educated and married with children. They are a great bunch of people who used to be each others best friends and still have a lot in common, for the most part. I really liked the time we spent with them as all egos were left at home and everyone had a great time and enjoyed each others company.
But I also felt very much like a fish out of water. Although I’m the same age as them all, it felt like some of them were so much older. I was sitting back one afternoon watching the group interact when something occurred to me. Here, in this group of people similarly aged and educated, I was almost an alien. Of course, I am speaking rhetorically. What I mean is I’m so different in most respects to the other men there, I might as well be green and have antennae.
This occurred to me when we did the rounds of ‘what I’m doing now’. Of course I mentioned my musical pursuits. I also spoke of my other creative pursuits. The reaction most gave was a ‘good for you’ vibe, or so I thought. I now think there was an underlying envy too. And I think this is because I’d not abandoned my childhood dreams. I was still very much involved in them, being creative, achieving small successes and having a awesome time along the way while still maintaining my adult priorities i.e. marriage, job, rent etc.
I spoke to one friend about it and he admitted to feeling disconnected to the child and the youth he was. His concern for his family, for finances, for job security, mortgages, retirement and general day to day life far outweighed his desire to pursue some of the more esoteric goals he’d once had. I think if one walked around with this particularly monkey on their backs, it might be enough to tip them over the edge.
So I say to all you 40-somethings out there: don’t give up on your dreams for it is these dreams that mark as higher beasts and give us a reason to aspire, to create and build and better ourselves.
These questions were raised in my thoughts after I recently received an email from a close friend who pointed towards an article posted on MSN about men and mid-life crisis (Check it out here) The reasons why are abundant: everything from a sense of ones own mortality to something hardwired into men to be suffer with their women as they go through menopause.
But I have another idea about this. I think, in some respects, men go through this because they finally realise, for the most part, they will never have an opportunity to pursue their dreams.
Lets examine this idea for a minute. The dreams I’m referring to are those we all have when we’re children. Dreams of being a fireman, an astronaut, a race car driver or a world champion surfer. Whatever the dream, a lot of men wake up one day, realise they’re in their forties and the opportunity to achieve these dreams has long gone by. Despite whatever professional success they might have or how good their family life is, there is a tangible lack of satisfaction with the way their lives have turned out.
My wife and I recently went to a reunion of her high school group of friends. They get together as a group once every five years. These are a disparate bunch of people, but mostly well educated and married with children. They are a great bunch of people who used to be each others best friends and still have a lot in common, for the most part. I really liked the time we spent with them as all egos were left at home and everyone had a great time and enjoyed each others company.
But I also felt very much like a fish out of water. Although I’m the same age as them all, it felt like some of them were so much older. I was sitting back one afternoon watching the group interact when something occurred to me. Here, in this group of people similarly aged and educated, I was almost an alien. Of course, I am speaking rhetorically. What I mean is I’m so different in most respects to the other men there, I might as well be green and have antennae.
This occurred to me when we did the rounds of ‘what I’m doing now’. Of course I mentioned my musical pursuits. I also spoke of my other creative pursuits. The reaction most gave was a ‘good for you’ vibe, or so I thought. I now think there was an underlying envy too. And I think this is because I’d not abandoned my childhood dreams. I was still very much involved in them, being creative, achieving small successes and having a awesome time along the way while still maintaining my adult priorities i.e. marriage, job, rent etc.
I spoke to one friend about it and he admitted to feeling disconnected to the child and the youth he was. His concern for his family, for finances, for job security, mortgages, retirement and general day to day life far outweighed his desire to pursue some of the more esoteric goals he’d once had. I think if one walked around with this particularly monkey on their backs, it might be enough to tip them over the edge.
So I say to all you 40-somethings out there: don’t give up on your dreams for it is these dreams that mark as higher beasts and give us a reason to aspire, to create and build and better ourselves.
...hey, we're not old!) and go into a panic because it seems as if we haven't done what we planned on doing, the years have gone by and you seemingly have nothing! Of course it's all in our heads because what have we been doing all this time? Taking care of our families! Nurturing our partners, our siblings, being there for our friends. Still pursuing our interests and hobbies...so what if we didn't become the actress, or singers or scientist we dreamt about as children? We have to embrace it and continue on with our lives.