it's been awhile since the last one... at first i thought i hallucinated.... YAY id didnt

and yes.. i did check all the zeroes.. it was 18 Quadrillion degrees.. that is really hot lava...

when we return to the vasari you'll learn why Fokxnim established his base on that volcanic planet, and why the lava is so hot. and the religious differences between Flankx and Fokxnim. yeah tension. it'll still be a week before i get back home, but stay patient.

 I will try but I won't make promises *goes back to sharpening pitchforks*

however I think I know why.. hge is of the Old Vasari? well Vasar is implied to be a volcanic planet by the Vasari planet population tech... maybe he chose it because the original home of his race was a volc?

yes you are close. but this lava was incredibly hotter than noral lava. by just a tad. the planet vasar was made up of a special type of volcanic rock. Fokxnim's planet is made up of mostly the same type of rock.

... i was right!? yay that was a lucky guess...special rock? does it have any sort of special value? like.. extra strong or heat resistant or something?

damn.. won't let me edit.. weird... just a tad hotter than normal lava? It's hotter than the surface of the sun!! I just looked it up to be sure and this is the result:

it has a surface temperature of approximately 5,780 K (5,510 °C)

cooler than I thought....

well this is in a new temperature measurement i made up. but yeah, Valcanic rock is the hottest thing in the universe. that's all im gonna say.

i'm sorry CI, but as great as Sinners is, it is not the longest running SOASE fanfic. not sure who the title belongs to, but the first Saints of a Solar Empire story was posted eight months before yours

https://forums.sinsofasolarempire.com/300386

it may very well be the longest, currently, but not the oldest

finally finished your story, and all the posts (well, i might have skipped a few). it is a fantastic story. you truly have a storyteller's mind, CI.

a couple of things, though. one, the vasari seem too human, or did in the first part. in the second part you do a little better. 2nd, major judman acts more like an NCO. just kind of the way i read the character, always giving advice. unless you want to make him an older guy, towards the end of his career and not being promoted anymore. i love those kind of characters. hey, he could be played by morgan freeman if you ever make a movie of this!

the story gets confusing at times, since you jump around in time. i'm sure you got that from some of the posts. it might make more sense to organize it linearly if you ever compile the story.

i'm a little dissapointed that archie hasnt been really characterized yet, though it seems like you will in part two, just based on your edited OP. he could be a good character. on a similar note, i'm looking forward to the new characters you will introduce.

i wasn't a big fan of the shield of death on the fighter (dont remember its name right now), but i appreciate it as necessary to advance the plot.

all that being said, there were some things i really liked. i thought the way the plot came together was very good, with the way you broke up the stories (hope that made a little bit of sense). the battles were very cool, and i like what i've seen from the characters so far. i also liked the concept of the marksman, thought that was very cool. thanks CI, for giving such a great story to us

but that book has ended. yeah, it was longer, and i loved the book and witchfire's writing, but it's ending. sinners is still running. so in my mind that makes Sinners the longest-running.

yeah, im going to delve more into the vasari in part 2. they'll be shown as a fierce fighting and extremely religious race. and yes, major judman fades to a sort of "do this, don't do that" character for Kol, but he may or may not shine out again later on. no promises. and finally, the weird way a shield was built onto that specific fighter will be explained also. theres a reason why that fighter had a name, when most fighters are just numbered 1,2, etc. If you look back, its a modified fighter "Light Strike." see, i have a reason for it!

of course. how could i doubt you?

i have a question about the mind games. are the characters all from your book? or are they just random people from the sinsverse

they are or will be part of my book. each one will be in Sinners somehow.

Chapter 10, part 2
Kol 2.0

The Trader Emergency Coalition

8 years ago, inner sector, western rim, planet christened "Matsuda"

    "What is that?"
    "The new era of space combat, sir. Allow me to introduce you to the Kol 2.0."
    "This thing's the original cap?"
    "It's frame sir, but we've modified everything inside from the kitchen cupboards to forward firing systems."
    "Ok...fill me in."
    "Yes, sir. The Kol 2.0's hull is Mark V6, with an efficient shield system that can take between V2's and V3's worth of damage without being too much of a drain on the power system. We're officially calling it V2.5."
    "You're making it able to fly and shoot at the same time."
    "Yes, sir. It's antimatter reserves are currently maxed out at 225 units, and are scheduled to remain there. Don't want to overfill the antimatter chamber."
    "No, Private, you most certainly do not."
    "Ah, yes sir. Now let's move onto the weapons. It can fire from all six sides, sir. In the prow of the ship, sir, we have installed one beam and two projectile firing systems. The beam system shoots about 126 rounds of light energy beams, before it has to cool down, sir. The first projectile system shoots about 27 heavy bullets at the target, sir, about 6 a second. The last projectile system shoots about 45 energy beams a round, discounting the decimals, sir."
    "That's enough, I see I have a lot of paper to work through."
    "Ah, yes sir. As I said before, we've completely modified everything except the general frame of the ship."
    "And these...special abilities? What is this ship, some kind of genie? Want to explain that, private?"
    "Ah, yes sir. We've installed a special gauss rail gun, sir, that fires a high velocity armor-piercing bullet at the target."
    "Only one?"
    "It recharges rather quickly, sir. It costs 75 units of antimatter to fire, and cools down in 6 seconds. It has a 5000 mile range and instantly does the damage of 300 heavy bullets. On our own test ships, sir. It is still unclear how well it'll perform against alien hull."
    "And the other three? And try to leave out the mathematics. I'm a Captain, not a scientist."
    "Ah, yes sir. The second ability is a flak burst, which automatically targets all strike craft within range of the capital ship's installed flak guns and fires quite accurately. Then there's an adaptive force field. We're still experimenting with it, but it greatly reduces the amount of damage the ship takes, both in its shield and/or hull. For a certain amount of time, of course."
    "And the last ability?"
    "Oh, that is where the true prize lays. This isn't for the everyday crew, only a highly trained and experienced crew will be able to work out the finer mechanics of this one. Even though it's just a button on the command bridge, its up to the Crewmen to carry it out, and no ship under the TEC'S commemoration level of 6 should even consider firing it. In fact, we're thinking of disabling it until the ship reaches that point."
    "I understand you're concerned, now what is it?"
    "We've code named it 'Finest Hour,' and is only for desperate circumstances, even if the crew is trained. The crew will stress the ship's engineering to the limits, granting the ship splash damage attacks, increased repair rates, and increased antimatter reserves."
    "The stars in heaven, that's brilliant!"
    "Only for emergencies, sir! This uses 150 units of antimatter, and if used too often, it greatly increases the chance that antimatter will come free and explode on your ship. Let alone the amount of grunt work for the Crewmen. Have you ever seen what antimatter does to normal matter, Captain?"
    "No, no I haven't, Private."
    "It's not pretty, sir, to put in simplest terms. Not pretty."
    "So when does it come online?"
    "In a week. It's already been reserved for the Admiral."
    "Admiral? When did we get an Admiral?"
    "Ah, not yet sir. He will be promoted upon arrival at this station. This ship is something of a celebration present, you see."
    "That's a shame. What I would give to fly one of these..."
    "You'll have a chance, sir, we hope to be mass producing them as soon as we get the credit permits from TOC."
    "They're a drain on the economy, then?"
    "Oh, ridiculously expensive. But worth it. If they don't get destroyed early on, when the crew is still getting a feel for the ship, they are worth every credit."
    "So what's its name?"
    "Pardon, sir?"
    "What's the name of this ship?"
    "We're calling it the TDN Golgonev, sir."

8 years ago, galactic position 303,860, planet christened "Garuma"
planet's surface

    "Fire all forward cannons!" Kol called out, switching his view from external camera to camera. "Higgins, what's our antimatter count?"
    "150, sir!" Higgins called out from across the room.
    "Fire off a gauss rail gun charge at the approaching cap!" Kol ordered.
    "Ay ay, sir!" Higgins called, flipping a switch. Deep below the command bridge in the bowels of the ship, a red light started flashing. Sergeant Cooldred Daniels saw the light and picked up a small thin wafer which would project his voice loudly across the whole room.
    "Authorize the gauss cannon! Lock onto forward enemy cap!"
    "We have a lock, sir!" A Crewman by the immense gauss cannon announced.
    "And we have the green light!" Daniels spoke into the wafer. Although the wafers were incredibly expensive and had to be bought with your own savings, as the army would not pay for them themselves, Daniels found it immensely useful in his position. "Launch a projectile!"
    There was a loud roar by the gauss cannon as it quickly charged up and fired its payload. Checking on a nearby tracking computer, Daniels made sure the weapon had been correctly aimed at the enemy cap. He probably should have done that before launching, but what the hell, this was only a simulation. The gauss cannon steamed slightly as it cooled down, and the Crewmen around it stepped back hastily.
    "That's fine," Daniels said to reassure them, "that's normal. Keep to your posts."

    Kol felt the ship buck slightly as the rail gun fired, watching the enormous bullet's path to the enemy cap with his eyes and the tracking computers to his right. There was an explosion as the shields overloaded and stalled on the enemy ship.
    "Bullseye!" Higgins shouted.
    Kol felt a twinge of uneasiness as the man's sound waves registered in his brain. Bullseye...
    Suddenly Kol wasn't on the command bridge anymore, he wasn't in the ship anymore, he was somewhere else, somewhere where bright lights were flashing and muted voices spoke in an unintelligible language above him and where there was pain, so much pain that it hurt too much to cry out, but he yelled anyway and it hurt so much and the pain didn't go away, it stayed and it hurt and it went inside him and his insides hurt everything hurt everything always hurt...
    "Alex!"
    Kol opened his eyes and sat up with a gasp. He had fallen onto the metal floor of the command bridge. Major Judman was leaning over him, eyes full of concern. Seeing Kol awake, he let out a long breath.
    "Shooting stars! For a second there...but you're awake now. Do you feel ok?"
    "I..." Kol rubbed his forehead, where a large lump was forming.
    "You hit your head pretty hard on the controls on your way down," Judman explained, "the medics are here now. They're going to ask you a couple of questions, just to make sure you didn't mess anything up, ok?"
    "I'm not a kid, Judman, I understand," Kol said somewhat irritably, still rubbing his forehead, "can I get an ice pack for this?"
    "Here you go sir," a man in the red and yellow of a medic's uniform said, handing Kol a capsule.
    Kol squeezed the capsule and it inflated into a block of ice with a slight hiss of compressed gas. He laid it on his head with a moan of pleasure.
    "Now, if it's all right with you sir, can I begin the evaluation?" The medic asked tentatively.
    "Go right ahead. What's your name?"
    "Private Dickens, sir, Private Mo Dickens."
    "Well, Private Dickens, ask away."
    "If I could ask you to follow this light with your eyes, sir..."
    Kol went through the routine evaluation to make sure he hadn't damaged his mental capabilities in his fall, and then the medic stood up, relieved.
    "You're good to go, sir, no damage whatsoever as far as I can see. You are a very lucky man, that was a nasty fall."
    "Thanks, Private," Kol said firmly. Dickens got the hint.
    "I'll be going back to the med bay, sir, unless you have any other need for me?"
    "No, that should be all, Private, and thanks again."
    Dickens saluted smartly and left.
    Judman grasped Kol's arm and helped him up while the other men in the command bridge moved towards the exit of the simulation chamber.   
    "We ended the training exercise," Judman informed Kol as they headed towards the exit, "you were out for a good ten minutes. Do you know what happened?"
    White lights flashed briefly in front of Kol's eyes and a piercing headache swept over him. Kol stumbled against Judman, who caught him.
    "Easy going, Alex, don't try to strain yourself. That was a nasty fall."
    "That's what the medic said," Kol replied, but the rest of his sentence was cut short. They had just walked outside and now Kol was staring up at the sky in shock. "Judman! Look!"
    Judman looked up to where Kol was pointing. High up in the sky, the colored dot they knew was the Aegia was moving. Kol quickly brought the live video feed of a camera on the outside of the shuttle bay orbiting the planet, where the two men clearly saw the TDN Aegia making its way towards the gravity well ring. Without its commander and second. Kol quickly fumbled around in his pockets for a messager and called up the Garuma space control tower. Even so soon after the battle that had liberated this planet from the Vasari, cities were booming and much cargo traffic filled the phase lanes coming from this planet to the sun. How quickly people forget.
    "This is Commodore Kol on the planet's surface," Kol said angrily, "where the hell is my ship going?"
    "Commodore Kol, please state the name and serial number of your craft," came the tower's steady response.
    "The TDN Aegia, serial code F4KGI84N," Kol spouted off hurriedly. Every time one was handed command of a ship, capital or otherwise, it's captain had to memorize the serial code of that craft for identification purposes. It made switching ships a real pain in the skies.
    "I'm sorry, Commodore, but that ship has been transferred out of your control. It now belongs to a Rear Admiral McKinley. Do you want me to connect you to this person?"
    Kol was about to demand a conference, but Judman put a hand on his shoulder. "It's ok, calm down. Nothing's wrong."
    Kol looked at Judman, confused. "You knew they were transferring the Aegia away from me?"
    "The call came in when you were unconscious. We decided to surprise you."
    "That's a hell of a surprise!"
    "Sir?" The tower control's voice came statically through the messager, "do you want to me to connect you to this Rear Admiral?"
    "No," Kol said into the messager, "no, that's ok. Thank you for your help."
    "As always, Commodore. Enjoy your stay here on Garuma."
    Kol ended the transmission with a click, and then turned to Judman. "So what do you know about all this?"
    "Come with me," Judman said, walking towards the shuttle launch bay, "we have a flight to Matsuda leaving in three hours, and we need to be onboard."

woohoo! a new part!

now for some constructive criticism

this is just a personal thing, but i really didnt like the hull points and dps and stats taken directly from the game. i understand it makes it much easier, but you're writing about real frigging combat. your characters can talk like it.

the first half of the story was a little annoying, because we dont know who is speaking. maybe you could say it was the captain and his ?

you never addresses a superior by his first name. never.

and, since you still said it was the TOC, they probably wouldnt name the ship TDN... that seems to me to be the TEC designation. i'm pretty sure the TOC didnt have a unified naval force

other than that, i like where you are going with this story arc. hopefully, the story arcs come together soon

well the hull point stuff is how they measure hull ratings and whatnot. maybe ill change it later, idn. and you're not supposed to know who was talking, as it didn't really add to the story either way. much easier to have an unknown Captain and an unknown Private talking to each other than have to come up with two characters just for half of a chapter. and what I'm trying to portray is Kol and Judman's friendship/connection. i assume that's what you were talking about when you said you don't address a superior by his first name. and, if you recall, TOC stands for the Trade Order Council. TEC is the military force that has taken control of the Trade Order to combat the Vasari threat. TOC is like the supreme court. The Trade Order still exists, it's just "ruled" by the TEC. I hope I explained that well.

But another than that, I like the constructive criticism. just because i think something works doesn't mean everyone will, and the different opinions helps me tweak the story to perfection.

that was exactly what i was talking about. when the TEC took over, i assumed they abolished the TOC. but obviously you had a different take. thanks for explaining.

yeah not the TOC was not the government of the Trade Order before the TEC. it was the highest court of law in the Trade Order. For example, in the U.S., you wouldn't abolish the supreme court just because we got a new president. same concept here.

haha, just noticed that, it was supposed to be the abbreviation for executive officer, . obviously that didnt work. but hey! i figured out one of the emoticons

to be honest, all in all this was not my favorite part. i understand why you threw in the actual numbers from the game, but that just cheapens the real action, to me. it makes it too mechanical, too cumbersome, and not the least bit realistic.

where is everyone? its been two days, and no responses other than mine. and nothing else on your mind games forum, except orodum losing his mind.

edit: X... O. maybe that will work

edit 2: nice! got it.

What are you talking about here?

I'm gonna run with it for a little while, then introduce a system the TEC will create that may or may not replace the numbering. we'll see how it goes. and I no, where has everyone gone?!? ridiculous.

"X O" is an acronym for the Executive Officer.  when used without the space (as it's supposed to) it forms

it's a problem I've worked around by using "exec" instead

But where did the quote come from?

Was that a quote from the story? That's what I was wondering. Just what are we refering to.

thanks orodum.

how long until the next part?

OH ok. ha, i had no idea what the whole thing was about. now i get it.