I'm gonna quit

from JoeUser Forums
It's been a while i've been thinking about moving back to New Caledonia. But what's been stopping me was:
1) I hate the place. It's irrational, but ever since i visited it the first time i didnt like it. Vanuatu is so much more easy going and relaxing.
2) All my friends over there have moved to France or back to Vanuatu. So i felt like i'd have a hard time socializing.
3)My parents live with my brother and his girlfriend in this tiny studio. So i didnt want to come to an already overcrowded place.
4) I had Darren, which of course made moving to Nouméa not an option.


However now:
1) I've broken up with Dee, like all of you know now.
2) Having my mum and now my Dad with me for this short time showed me on what i'm missing out when we're apart. I wish they could stay longer or leave with them on Monday :(
3) I'd make a helluva lot more money over there. And since it's bigger than Vanuatu there are a lot of activities and clubs i can join, so meeting people wouldnt be that hard i suppose.
4) My parents still dont have their own appartment. But after talking with them, they said it should be happening very soon.

I told my boss i had thoughts about leaving and he said if it was what i wanted to do i should just do it. He said he's giving me some time to think it through. But i've made up my mind. I still have to give three months notice. Which means i'd actually leave in August.

I feel bad because we're only four people working in the agency when we used to be 7. So there's a lot of work. And i've got a raise twice, and i feel like i'm acting like an ungrateful employee.

The real reason i want to move is Darren. I cant cope with this breakup. I cant cope with the fact that he still calls and comes over, and seeing him and having to hold back my kisses, my cuddles, my love. I cant turn this page if i keep going on like that. I need a lot of support and my friends dont give me enough i'm afraid.

I feel like such a loser for giving up on my life here. But i feel like it's the only way out if i want to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm tired of being an emotional wreck. I think moving away will help me.

I dont know if it's the right thing to do though. It feels like a gamble. You take some, you lose some.
misc
4,873 views 12 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top

Moving is always a big thing.  As for Darren, you can get over him, but you dont want to.  he likes the fact that you are available, even tho he will not commit.  It is his best of all possible scenarios.

But Moving will not always bring you peace.  It will bring you distance.  There will always be that nagging thing in the back of your mind that says "what if".  It may be controllable and eventually become a distant echo.  I hope so.

You have a good family, and a good boss.  I hope you think it through, and whatever you decide, I wish for you the best.

In the end, you do what is best for you.  And only you know that.  We can only advise.  You have the key to your future.

best of luck, always.

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Moving is always a big thing. As for Darren, you can get over him, but you dont want to. he likes the fact that you are available, even tho he will not commit. It is his best of all possible scenarios.

I've been moving my whole life, i'm getting tired of it. I wish i could find my place at last. And yes for Darren i think i'm having a hard time wanting to erase him from my life. He stays at arm length whenever we meet, but gosh i hate it. And i know he knows. Wish i hated him...

But Moving will not always bring you peace. It will bring you distance. There will always be that nagging thing in the back of your mind that says "what if". It may be controllable and eventually become a distant echo. I hope so.

You're right, i didnt even think about that. But knowing that an ocean is separating us will make the deed (forgetting him) easier to be done. I hope.

you have a good family, and a good boss. I hope you think it through, and whatever you decide, I wish for you the best.
In the end, you do what is best for you. And only you know that. We can only advise. You have the key to your future.
best of luck, always.


thanks DrGuy. I havent handed my resignation letter yet though
Siege of Centauri
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know this would be hard for you to do, but I think you should probably tell Darren you need to get over him first before you can go back to seeing him socially. Tell him it is hard for you to be in his presence. Tell your friends as well so they will stop inviting him along to outings. Give it time. I agree with Dr Guy when he says running away 'will only bring you distance'.

To me, it sounds like you have more reasons to stay than to leave. If I were you, I'd make a list of the positives and negatives for both staying and leaving. This technique has helped me in the past to come to a decision about a difficult matter. I hope it works for you too.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Tell him i need to get over him before seeing him socially. That's exactly what i should do. Damn my weakness...

I think my mind is set on leaving, the 'Darren issue' counts as 10 bad things if i made a list.
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh and Maso just came to think of it, but Port Vila is so small, you cannot NOT see someone. You bump into them everywhere. It's a fact. When you come over, you'll see.
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Bien sur tu sais que moi je dirais: allais a NC, c'est le meilleur pays du monde! Mais je crois pas que Darren c'est un bon raison pour partir. Si tu trouveras quelqu'un en NC et puis vous vous separez, qu'est-ce que tu vas faire? Repartir en Australie? Je sais que c'est difficile, vraiment je comprends, mais il y a vraiment rien d'autre qu'on peut faire dans ces cas a part qu'attendre je crois. Attendre que ca ne fais plus mal. On a toujours l'impression que ca ne va jamais s'passer, maios ca arrive un jour. Peut-etre que t'as besoin de ne pas lui voir. Il faut dire que moi j'ai eu la chance que j'ai pu reste copains avec mes exes parce qu'elles habitaient autre part dans le monde.

Mais si tu decides d'y aller je crois pas que t'auras des problemes a trouver des amis. C'etait ca que j'adorais de la-bas, on faisait des connaissances si facilement. Et puis, voir ton famille seras une bonne chose j'en suis sur.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Mec Australien, d'un côté c'est vrai ce que tu dis. Je ne peux pas fuire comme ça. Mais en même temps ça paraît si facil et la seule chose à faire. Faut dire quà part mon travail rien ni personne ne me retient.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think you should go for it! If I were in your position (age, no attachments, etc...) I'd split in a New York minute! Move and go and make some of that good money! YOU GO GIRL!
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top

I think you should go for it! If I were in your position (age, no attachments, etc...) I'd split in a New York minute! Move and go and make some of that good money! YOU GO GIRL!

Well, you cant argue with that logic!  !

Were we all as young and free as you!

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Shovelheat, haha, so you think i'd be making the right choice, huh? I still have my letter in my floppy disk. Havent printed it yet. But i think i will. And soon.

Dr Guy, heehee! I'm young and free, gotta put that in my head and feel it in my heart
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top

Dr Guy, heehee! I'm young and free, gotta put that in my head and feel it in my heart

Live for you!  We old farts will just wish!

Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Old Farts? Yah right! What about 'young at heart'??