Where Do Love And Lust Seperate?

from JoeUser Forums
Now, seriously, how do you know if you are lusting or loving. You look at people these days and you see a lot of "love" in their eyes. The only question is, "Is that true love or is it true lust?" I've wondered that for so long that I just decided to give up on figuring it out myself. I'm sure that if I ever truly end up loving someone I'll know but so far everytime I've thought I loved someone I found that I really was just lusting. She was pretty but after she left me I realized what I felt was in my pants not in my heart.

Then one thing comes to mind... if I loved someone would it be a nausea that I'd feel or would I feel it somewhere else? Maybe some of our happily married can help me out here? If not, maybe I can bring up a point. My pastor said something along the lines of love not being a feeling but more of an action. Love is not wanting to have sexual relations as often as possible, but instead it is sacrificing your time to take her out to dinner and make sure she's comfortable.

Love is always sacrificing something you have for your better half.

I guess a good example would be that story about the man and woman that are looking for a gift for each other. The man only has a watch and the woman only has her hair for valuables. The man sells his watch to get her a brush and she sells her hair to get him a chain. That to me is love but how do you know you're not just going through the motions?

I don't know if I have/do loved/love anybody that much and I don't know if I will but maybe there's a sign to look out for to help me figure it out.

Capt. over and out!
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9,650 views 20 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've wondered this too Brandon. Actually, good thing you brought it up. I think I have the same problem. When I was going out with Alex, I loved him. Or if that's what we wanna call it. I loved him and he loved me back. I'm not really sure if it was just lust or not. I don't think I've said this to anyone.....but mainly because him and Sam are going out and i didn't want anyone to freak out on me. But to this day if I look deep down inside myself there is something still there for him. I have not clue why but it is. But if im not looking deep down, i don't feel any love, other than my love for him as a friend. I don't know it's just this thing....inside.....deep down...i can't really describe it. But I'm not sure if it is lust or love. Or maybe I'm just going phsyco or something on you guys. Because right now, I don not like Alex in a "like, like" way.

I don't know if I have/do loved/love anybody that much and I don't know if I will but maybe there's a sign to look out for to help me figure it out.


You know....me neither. I feel the same way.

Good Post!

~carebear~
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Cap'n...

I think it's awesome to hear that a young person is actually concerned about the difference between love and lust. Most people don't really even care, and that makes me really sad.

I'm 24...and I've been dating my first and last boyfriend for almost 2 years. To be honest with you...I didn't really even like him at first...but then he grew on me...and now I love him so much I want to spend the rest of my life with him. As each day passes though, and I love him more and more...it becomes harder and harder to keep ourselves under control physically. So...I don't know if that's "lust" either or not, you know? I suppose part of it is...

I don't know...but...I worry about those things too.
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Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
I suppose I would look at it this way.

When you think of the person you are in lust or love with, what do you think? Are you thinking about you or them? Lust is selfish, lust wants to fill its own desires. Lust wants to be with someone principally for what they get out of it, be it the comments/looks of being with someone very attractive, the physical aspect of it, etc.

Love is self-less. Love looks at the other person and thinks of them, what you can do to make them happy, feel good about themselves, be fulfilled, without considering what you will get out of it. Does that mean you can't love someone you are physically attracted to? Of course not. But that physical attraction is not the center of the relationship. I am extremely physically attracted to my wife, but we aren't married because of that. We are married because we each found that what made us most happy in life was doing things for each other, not our selves.

Hope that made some sense.
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
True love is when you can love someone for and with their faults, not in spite of. Also, Read 1 Cor 13.

~Sarah
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Love does not always involve a sacrifice, although I'm not surprised a pastor would tend to put it that way....
BlueDev said it well, I'll just rephrase it:

Lust is "I want you to make me happy."
Love is "I want to make you happy."
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know what you are goin through but I never have ever had a boyfriend before. I never really found that person, but maybe i will or already have.... Who knows one day i hope i will find it and hold on to it forever.......
I don't know if I have/do loved/love anybody that much and I don't know if I will but maybe there's a sign to look out for to help me figure it out.



Yeah me toooo....

Stacey
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know a girl who has refused up to this point in her 15 year old life to say "I love you". I really respect her for that, I imagine it'd take some guts. However, I often ask myself and have asked her as well, "How will you know if you are really in love when it comes? Will you just dismiss is as another fling until 'love' really hits you?" I can't remember her response, but I was kind of torn over her stand.

As much as it honestly irks me to say this, I did love my ex-girlfriend. I didn't think I could live without her, but I think too soon it started to flow towards physical attraction. I was too naive to see it, I was too naive to see a lot of what was going on. But as I look back on it, towards the end of our relationship, I REALLY wanted to get down her pants...as I'm sure her current boyfriend wants now and I would imagine that's where she wants her boyfriend. Ok that was a little harsh, but the circumstances were far from amiable.
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Carebear~ I figured you'd bring that up. I just wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm not you so I don't think I can.

Marcie Helen~ I guess I'll take what you said as a complement. Thank you.

Little Whip~ Thank you for being blunt about it but I don't think that helped as much as you were expecting. Thank you anyways.

Blue Dev~ Of all the insightful responses I've recieved, I think yours was the most effective. Thank you, very much, for your insight.

Big Dreamer~ As soon as I read the scripture you suggested I'll be sure to reply again. Thank you.

Citahellion~ I might as well say thanks to you too. You sumed it up nicely.

Tractor chick~ good luck finding somebody to spend the rest of your life with.

Appledong~ Hehehe! Sorry, I couldn't resist man. Anyways, thanks for the comments and may I ask, "Who were you talking about at the beginning?"

Capt. over and out!
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
Love, ah, she is a fickle mistress....love is hard to explain. Lust is easier to explain though, it is an intense "horny" feeling for lack of a better term...but there is no "real" emotional attachment. It's a screw'um and leave'um situation. Love...hmm...let's see, its a connection between heart, soul, and body...a very abstract concept....but, as I believe you'll only know love if you've experienced it...usually lust takes over before love and the person gets confused....

~Zoo
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well shaun, you're ways are a bit odd but they work. I'm sure you're right, but just like you said, you won't know until you experience it.

Capt. over and out!
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
As much as it honestly irks me to say this, I did love my ex-girlfriend. I didn't think I could live without her, but I think too soon it started to flow towards physical attraction. I was too naive to see it, I was too naive to see a lot of what was going on. But as I look back on it, towards the end of our relationship, I REALLY wanted to get down her pants...as I'm sure her current boyfriend wants now and I would imagine that's where she wants her boyfriend. Ok that was a little harsh, but the circumstances were far from amiable.


Ok now appledong....(sorry i had too, brandon did)....I would love to express my opinion about what you just put. But I'm afraid it's much too long to put on here. I think I've already told you about what I think about your ex. If i didn't I guess I can, if you really wanted to know. Like I said, your ex used to be my best friend in the world, and I was her best friend. But....I guess that's why I think of her the way I do now. Why I think.....well never mind. What in the heck were you smoking when you wanted to REALLY get down her pants? Are you nuts Andy?!?! I'm sorry that's pathetic....specailly when it was her. Sorry....that was harsh on my part....but like I said....I'm not too fond of her now after she ditched me to become popular.

Carebear~ I figured you'd bring that up. I just wish I knew what to tell you, but I'm not you so I don't think I can


It's ok, I don't think anyone knows what to tell me. How did you know I was going to say that? I haven't told anyone that before now....?

~carebear~
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
What in the heck were you smoking when you wanted to REALLY get down her pants?


I think he was probably smoking hormones....trust me, they can make you want to "do" many things that you probably shouldn't "do"...man I love being ambiguous....

~Zoo
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think he was probably smoking hormones....trust me, they can make you want to "do" many things that you probably shouldn't "do"...man I love being ambiguous....


Yeah, well I guess I really don't go around thinking..."Humm....wonder if I can get that guy in my pants!", or "I want a guy in my pants so bad!" Sorry, I'm just not like that. lol.

~carebear~
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well...you're a female...so you can control it better. Let me put it into words about how a guys sees things...

Girl pretty....want sex....can't think....sex,sex,sex,sex,sex....oh, shiny...hrm?....sex, sex,sex.............*interesting sounds from bathroom*....Well, I feel better now...so, who wants to go watch chicks?

That's kind of what our mind is like once in awhile....its a bitch...and I believe quite accurate....

~Zoo
Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
interesting sounds from bathroom*....Well, I feel better now...so, who wants to go watch chicks?


Ok, that's just wrong! Ew! I hate to think what you do everytime you think about Kendra, Shaun......

~carebear~
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top
I hate to think what you do everytime you think about Kendra, Shaun


HEY!!! It's not like that.....no, most certainly not....remember I'm a gentleman....I would not do that....

~Zoo
Reply #17 from JoeUser Forums Top
HEY!!! It's not like that.....no, most certainly not....remember I'm a gentleman....I would not do that....


Well if you are a gentleman....then why do you.....well look.....well you know!

~carebear~
Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
What are you infering carebear? Leave the man alone. I don't see why you're so worried about what he does in his free-time. Maybe he just thinks, "Hmm... she's such a lovely girl. Perhaps she'd like to watch a new chick flick at her house. We could even invite her mom to watch it with us."

Capt. over and out!
Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Oh, I'm not worried about it. I think I know what he does.... I doubt that's what he thinks about her either,...come on you know shaun....lol j/k. Nah, me and shaun were just really bored so we kept on posting back and forth. that's all

~carebear~
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
I think we should ask him what he thinks... *wink* *wink* *cough* comment *cough* Shaun *cough*

Capt. over and out!