Get To Know me! (Reason included)

God, that's heart breaking man.

I remember up until middle school I really had no social skills whatsoever. I didn't need them, I was so good at just keeping everything to myself. Then Boom! Crushes. Boom! Friends. Boom! Hobbies.

When people get honest with me, they tell me that there's something just a little off about me. I don't know if that's due to ADD (if such a thing exists) or my background. But I tend to say strange things and I'm pretty clumsy. I was bullied pretty mercilessly back in New Zealand for it.

My mobile early life afforded me the space I needed to recreate myself and my image. The New Zealand me is not the same as my Korean me. The American me is not the same as my New Zealand me. The American me was not the same as the Spanish me. Each time I rebuild myself I'm just slightly better than before.

Now that I'm on my own, I feel the desperate need to remake myself again. Today I started filling out a passport application so that I have the space I need to rebuild. I'm thinking of moving back to New Zealand and starting something new.

Does that make any sense?

I have four years on you. That doesn't seem like much time but it's long enough to completely change my world-view several times over.

Hey... I don't know if you misspelt "Bethesda" into "Bedestha" but if you did are you a Marylander?

Bullies suck. I used to be bullied but now have found more confidence. I realised this when I did karate for sometime and was walking home at 3am and two youths decided to try and have some fun. One had a foot long truncheon but I was under ALOT of stress at the time and something in me just snapped and I basically stood in their faces and thought "Bring it on because I'm going to blind you both and leave you here in the dark", real psycho stuff. It all ended well and when they started walking off I called them back to share a cigarette, which on reflection seems weird but felt perfectly natural at the time, stress will do that to you. Since then I gave up karate because I scared myself at what I was capable of but also have never felt afraid of being bullied. I'm now trying to follow Buddhist principles and thus non-violence.

Bully's are cowards, they like to play the world on easy difficulty even though they can play on higher level, they just want little challenge and the gratification of winning. If bullies invested their energy in lifting others up instead of holding them down they would receive much better gratification and the world would be a much better place.

How much paralysis do you have? You mentioned your face and from your operation you have leg stitches as well?

Shuazoid, I have a 19 year old son. Everyone feels ostracized at your age to one degree or another. Granted, your situation is more of a challenge than most must face. But at the same time its an opportunity to grow and become a better person. I was 19 years old once and I remember it vividly. Note to self: Its important not to make any drastic life changing decisions when you feel like the world is against you. Those feelings will pass especially if you have someone to talk to that you can trust. Listen to your elders even if they don't deserve it.

Hey, I'm glad I got to know you.

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Your story was interesting and entertaining. I read the whole thing, which is saying a lot. At the end of it I was sad and confused about what it all meant. As a criticism, your writing could use some polish, but I assume English is not your first language so its pretty good from that perspective.

Well you sound pretty upbeat about it all. It sounds like you have had alot to deal with but am still positive about the future, and that counts for alot.

Only advice I'd say is don't get in with gangsters, nothing of lasting goodness will come from it.

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How did you find out about Elemental?

elemental?

Pain is as much in the mind, as in the body. You can block out either kind, with a little discipline.

And your story is not much different from millions of others. Most of us have been bullied, and most of us have had pain in life.

That's life.

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We all have our own crosses to bear.

If you want it to be interesting tell us what makes you happy? What makes the man who can't smile smile?

I don't mean that to be rough, but seriously, we know what has dragged you down, whats lifted you up?

Shuazoid you sound like some type of Post Modern Hero in the making  . 

Start young, it gets harder to fit life on a paper the older you grow.

Actually, not.

The older you get, the more succinct things become.

The young want to make every minor detail into a major event. With experience you can more narrow down to the more important life changing events.

As such, come back in 30 years with your new version - then compare the two. I think you will find that I am right.

Here is my 1 page autobiography, after 54 years...

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, is futile.

Whether you do what you think is right for your own comfort, or for that of others - you are ultimately doomed to pain and, at the end, death. Any joy that you can glean might be nice for a short time, but it will end in ashes.

You know, i kinda thought like what u said Moose. And i grew kinda sad thinking that the big parts of my life might actually grow smaller in comparison to other things.

But i know what you mean and i think you're right.

I said that because of what my life has been, so far. (I can't openly smile either, but for a different reason)

I hope I am wrong, though, in what I said.

Life has to have some meaning, and reason. If it is strictly chance and then evolution to a cold death, then it is truly futile for all of us. Nothing we do or contribute has any meaning whatsoever. (From current observations, this universe is ever-increasingly expanding - which means that the universe will die a very cold death.)

For what it's worth, I do like you. Your OP smacked of self pity, but your subsequent posts have shown a certain joy for Life and a good attitude.

Don't feel as sorry for your physical imperfections, they are transitory. Worthy people don't even see them.

Have you noticed my avatar?

What is it? What does it mean?

Eh, I've always kind of assumed it to be some sort of golden rule of thirds, but upon closer inspection, I find that it is not. Is it a fractal?