A young man is flying home to New York from California and settles into his seat bracing for a long flight.  He sees a young lady across the aisle and decides to try and have some fun with her.

He turns to her and asks, "Do you want to play a little game?"  She says "sure."  "I'll make you a small wager.  I'll ask you a question and, if you can't get the answer right you give me $5 and then, you can ask me a question and if I can't get the answer right, I'll give you $500."  She says "Wow a hundred to one odds for me.  I agree."

He thinks and then he says:  "What is the average distance from the earth to the moon?"  She wrinkles her brow opens her purse and hands him $5.  He takes the $5 saying the answer is 239,228.3 mi.

She thinks and then says: "What walks up a hill on three legs but, walks back down the hill on four legs?"  He gets befuddled, wrinkles his brow,  and looks down, mutters a few times and finally says "I give up and angrily gives her the $500.  He says, "ya, so what the answer?"  She looks at him and hands him another $5.

Observation....

You can lead a whore to culture,

but you can't make her think.

Sam, driving a Yugo in a Texas community, pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce, rolls down his window, and smiles at the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. Have you got a phone in it? I've got one in my Yugo!"

Dave, the driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes, I have a phone."
"Cool!" continues Sam. "Have you got a fridge in there, too? I got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!"

Dave, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

Sam goes on, "That's great! Listen, have you got a TV in there? I got a one right next to me."

Dave, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

"Say," persists Sam, "Have you got a bed in your car? I got one in the back of my Yugo!"

Upset that he hadn’t, Dave immediately drove off straight to his dealer and demanded that a bed be installed in the back of the car. The next morning David picked up his car, with a superb bed in it, a bed fit for a Rolls Royce...

Dave immediately went searching for the Yugo, and only late in the afternoon he found it parked, with all its windows fogged up from the inside.

He knocked on the Yugo, and finally Sam stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," Dave stated arrogantly.

"Sheesh!" complained Sam, "You got me out of the shower to tell me that?"

An older couple were sitting having breakfast together.  The old man said to his wife "you know fifty years ago we had our first breakfast together."  The wife said "yes, I remember now."  "Except fifty years ago we were eating naked together.  Do you want to get naked and finish our breakfast together?"  The husband says "Yes, just like when we were young."

They both got naked and returned to their breakfasts.  The wife said, "Ohhh, my nipples are getting just as hot for you now as they were then."  The husband replied, "I'm not surprised, one is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

lol

lmao.

A farmer was in need of a new rooster for his hens.  He finds one for sale that the seller guaranteed would take care of all his 150 hens.  He places it in the yard and the next morning the farmer discovers all 150 of his hens have been visited by the rooster.  The farmer was astonished, saying "that's one horny rooster."

Again, the next morning he gets up and not only had all the 150 hens been visited by the rooster so had all the ducks. The farmer just shook his head thinking that by now the rooster would have begun to tire.

The third morning every animal: the horses, cows, goats, turkeys, ducks and hens had all been visited by the rooster but, now the rooster was sprawled on his back wings outstretched in the yard with buzzards circling overhead.  The farmer just shook his head walked over to the rooster and said, "you deserved it you horny bastard, you finally f'd yourself too."  The rooster peeped open one eye pointed to the sky and said, "shh, they are about to land."     

🤣🤣

Sam and Rebecca met on a singles cruise and Sam fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they both lived in Philadelphia only a few miles apart, Sam was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Sam had taken Rebecca to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Sam became convinced that Rebecca was indeed his soul mate and true love.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Sam took Rebecca to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Sam said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Rebecca paused, then responded, "Sam that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Sam paused for a while then said, "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

lmao   

A muscular man in his prime walks into the bar and says, "bartender I need a drink.  The bartender could see that the man looked rather defeated.  So, he poured him a drink and decided to chat him up to try and make him feel better.

The bartender said, "you know you are absolutely the most physically fit man that has ever walked in here, in fact, I've never seen anyone as strong looking as you.  Your youthful in your prime of age, and I don't want to sound insensitive, but your head is so small compared to the rest of you.  Is that what's troubling you?"

The muscular man takes a big gulp from his drink and shook his head yes. "I can't get any women to pay any attention to me.  When they see my physique, they look interested, but then they notice my small head and turn away.  I can hear them laughing and mocking me when they think I'm not looking.  I haven't been able to have sex for thirty years."  "This small head is a double curse if you catch my meaning, the man sobbed."

The bartender was shocked for the muscular man looked so youthful - 25 years old maybe.  The bartender exclaimed "you can't be over fifty years old!"

"I've never told anyone this before, but I need to get this off my chest, the man said." It was thirty years ago I was on the beach as an out of shape middle aged man only able to look at all the beautiful women in their bikinis.  There I was with my bald head and potbelly staring and the young bucks came over to me laughed at me and ridiculed me mercilessly.  I left the beach feeling awful."  

The muscular man continued, " I wandered away from the beach and I kept hearing a tiny voice saying help me.  I looked around and finally looked down and there was a small frog trailing me.  I picked the frog up and it repeated help me.  I am really a genie and if you help me, I will give you three wishes.  All you have to do is kiss me."

"So, I kissed the frog and instantly there I was alone with the most beautiful naked women I have ever seen.  It was fate finally intervening for me.  I remembered feeling how I had wasted my youth and was not going to let that happen again.  So, I said to the genie, "Make me more buffed than Arnold Schwarzenegger was when he was 25; and make me look and feel 25 again for as many years as I am old now.  And poof there I was looking and feeling glorious."

I looked at that beautiful genie and said, "I want to make mad passionate love with you for the next several hours without tiring.  After several hours we held each other, and she looked me in the eyes and said, "that was wonderful." "But you have one more wish, what will it be?"  

And that's when I said, "how about a little head?"

reminds me of the person that was peeing in the ocean while their spouse was drowning.

when asked why they weren't helping, their response was "i am; every little bit helps!"

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