Thvaz, I feel your pain. In the last several months, I have noted (in more than one Discussion Thread), that E:FE is like a 4X game, with an RPG game overlaying it. But the combining of elements of both a 4X game, and a Role-Playing-Game, is truly an uneasy, unlikely, and unwieldly fusion. One result is that underlying 4X game has at least two X'es (the first two) that have been partially,purposely twisted and crippled. The eXplore component is severely reduced/truncated; and the eXpand component is unusually difficult.
However I think we are pretty much stuck here; and have to acknowledge, that the density of impediments (monsters, wildlands, competing kingdoms and empires) is part of the intentional Design of E:FE. This game is simply much more about monster-fighting, questing, and warfare; than it is about eXploring and eXpanding (and micro-managing) a growing empire, with a rising level of Civilization. We are not in Sid Meier land here ...
On the other hand, I still love this game; and there are some things we can individually do to bolster the 4X quality of the game. For one thing, I routinely play this game with fewer competing kingdoms and empires, than the default suggests. On small maps I play against one less competitor (2, not 3); and on medium maps I sometimes play with two less competitors. (While I am at it, I usually select the specific competitors. That way, I have a better idea what to expect in a given game; although I use different competitors in subsequent games, for the sake of variety and completeness.) Obviously, another tool for enhancing the eXploration component is to reduce the density of monsters, in the pre-game choices. (But I don't do this, because I like to have lots of monsters, to speed up the leveling of my sovereign and champions.)
There are some other things you can do, to tweak the quality of the game too ... Give yourself the Master Scouts ability; reduce the wildlands frequency in the pre-game choices; select a desert map (it is less time-consuming to eXplore a desert map, than one that is dense with forests); etc. The good news is that there are a number of choices that you can make, to tweak the flavor of the game. The bad news is that I don't think the E:FE Design Team has any interest in changing the basic design of the game. But, the good news here (and the game, in general) greatly outweighs the bad news ... at least, IMHO ... 
